


A long time between...

by EmmyGreene



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Future, Babies, Beth Greene Lives, Beth Lives, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, Fluff, Future Fic, I Will Go Down With This Ship, On the Road Again, POV Beth Greene, Reunions, Slow Burn, Some Spoilers, Summer of Bethyl, The Hilltop (Walking Dead), Trauma, Walkers (Walking Dead), all the feels, bethyl, the kingdom - Freeform, writing this in one week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-06-14 11:11:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15387507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmyGreene/pseuds/EmmyGreene
Summary: After far too long in her own, Beth Greene stumbles upon a member of her old group who takes her back to what is left of her 'family'.Following along Ultimate Bethyl Fic Lists 'Summer of Bethyl 2018' and after this initial introduction, am going to write a chapter per day based on the prompts.





	1. Reunited.

**Author's Note:**

> Well after a break because I had to finish college and survive the first 18 weeks of pregnancy, I'm finally back writing again and it feels SO good. I've had a rough outline of this story in my head for a few weeks now but was struggling to make it really take shape... following the prompts is hopefully going to add in the structure I needed but we'll see how that goes... I hope I'm doing this right because I've never participated in these things before? 
> 
> ( apologies for slips in non-US spelling)

Once, a long time ago now, Beth had lay awake at night imagining how a reunion might play out. She’d imagined euphoric smiles, lingering hugs. Who she found changed depending on the day but the basic image of it all remained the same, like something from a movie, a perfect happy ending. She had pushed those thoughts from her mind a long time ago now. As the months became years she lost hope of ever finding them, accepted that probably most of them were dead by now. Finally, she had been apart from them for longer than they’d ever been together. Those days of everyone crammed into the farmhouse, that first winter on the road and the prison became distant memories. They were just part of a timeline now and those people she had loved, she thought of them less and less. In the meantime there had been others, friends, a boyfriend, a whole network of people she’d known and lost twice over.  Other faces replaced those in her initial reunion dreams until she stopped day dreaming all together.

Despite that, when she got close enough to  make out the details of the shadowy figure she’d spotted from the distance, well Beth Greene doubted what she was seeing. She wondered if finally she had lost her mind. Before her, slumped over and crying into the earth was a woman with long black dreadlocks and a katana slung across her back, a woman that couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else.  Beth shook her head, squinted her eyes, pushed them closed then opened again but the sobbing woman before her didn’t change.

‘Michonne’ she spoke quietly and the figure didn’t respond. Beth coughed and tried again ‘Michonne’.

Beth’s hands began to shake as she got close enough to reach out and touch her old friend.

‘It’s you’ she said, a little in shock, very disbelieving.

Michonne wiped tears from her eyes and looked up at her ‘No way’ she said.

Beth took in the red rimmed eyes, the strain so clear across her face.

Taking Beth’s hand, Michonne pulled herself up.

‘I… I can’t believe it’ Michonne said again, her voice choking up.

‘You Ok?’ Beth asked.

By way of answer, Michonne sobbed loudly. She might have looked the same, but gone was the strong, stoic woman Beth remembered.

‘Are you on your own?’ Beth asked.

‘No, I’ve still got…’ Michonne’s voice trailed off and Beth could see she was finally taking in the sight of her, the shorter hair, the puckered face, the clothes so torn they were nothing but rags.

‘We’ve got a community, communities’ Michonne said again ‘not far from here. It’s been, a bad week, for all of us but there’s still people. There’s food, clothes, medicine.’

Suddenly Beth was in the woman’s embrace, she clung to her in return although after months on her own, the human contact felt strange.

‘I’m on my own’ Beth breathed into her ear, ‘completely alone’.

‘Not anymore’ Michonne replied. 

They’d walked back mostly in silence after that. Michonne’s breathing was still labored and Beth didn’t want to ask questions, she didn’t know what was safe to ask. As dusk began to fall, all Beth wanted was to be someplace safe- and she had to assume that wherever Michonne was taking her was. Finally Beth could see walls, towers and structures behind them. Whatever this place was, it wasn’t temporary. Michonne pulled a tattered white handkerchief from her pocket and waved it wildly.

‘We’re not supposed to bring others back’ she said quietly, ‘not like this’.

Beth could only nod. Everywhere had their own rules and nobody trusted strangers anymore. She felt nervous as they approached and the big question in her mind, well she was too afraid to ask.

‘There can’t be anyone else’ she thought to herself ‘this is already miracle enough’.

The closer they got to the walls, Beth could see people on sentry duty, armed men and women, their weapons pointing at them despite Michonne’s flag. She had continued to wave it but Beth could tell they were all suspicious.  Once at the gate they were met by a tall man with dark skin and hair that matched Michonne’s.

‘She’s one of us, from before’ Michonne spoke to him and immediately he eased before Beth’s eyes. He gave a signal and the guns around the wall lowered.

‘Beth, this is Ezekiel, Ezekiel, Beth’. He shook her hand and again she was unsettled by the feeling of flesh against her skin. She tried to look around to the scene behind him but the images hit her all at once and she felt weak. So many new buildings, that looked well maintained, gardens and people, so many neatly dressed and clean people all eyeing her with curiosity. Michonne seemed to notice she was flagging.

‘She needs food, clothes. Medical but that can wait for tomorrow. For now, I want to take her to the theatre’ she then looked at Beth and whispered into Ezekiel’s ear and the tiniest bit of hope flamed in Beth’s heart.

‘Is there someone else here?’ she asked as she followed Michonne.

A tight smile formed across Michonne’s lips ‘We don’t get a lot of good news around here. After the week we’ve had, they need this’.

Names and faces began to race through Beth’s mind, even while she told herself to stay calm. Anyone who’d been there that day in the hospital seemed unlikely. Michonne wasn’t there so maybe she was with some of the others. Glenn. Maggie. Sasha. She tried not to think too hard. They entered an old theatre and the sight of it almost took Beth’s breath away.

‘It’s so clean’ she breathed, taking a seat.

Michonne looked at her ‘This is some kind of miracle’

Beth smiled weakly ‘I’m sorry, for whatever happened’

‘Let’s not talk about it, not tonight. Let’s just get you settled’.

Beth nodded and right then the door pounded.

‘Come in’ called Michonne.

A slither of light entered the room and then- Beth’s heart began to pound. Daryl and Carol. They looked older, weary, they’d been crying too she could tell. Obviously whatever had happened before her arrival had impacted all of them. It wasn’t a euphoric reunion in the slightest. It felt as though every emotion she’d woken up back inside Grady flooded her body all over again. They moved towards her and she tried to stand but her legs gave way. Carol ran then to her side and Michonne reached out an arm to steady her. Beth stood again and threw her arms around Carol.

‘I can’t believe you’re here’ she heard whisper in her ear. Carol’s voice sounded thin, broken.  

A moment later she felt a second set of arms encircle both of them, then their circle widened to include Michonne as well and they just stood there like that, half sobbing, a little happy and together again for a moment. The contact felt as foreign to Beth as the room they were in and yet she couldn’t bring herself to let go.

Michonne was still clutching Beth and helped her back into a seat.

‘There’s food and clothes coming’ she said to the others. Carol sat on the other side while Daryl crouched down in front of her.

‘Where the…how the… I duneven know where to start’ he said.

Beth shrugged ‘It doesn’t matter.’

And in the moment it didn’t. All she knew was after months on her own, she had people again, _her_ people and although they’d probably changed as much as she had, she knew she could trust them. She felt it in her soul the moment they’d embraced her. Tonight she would have shelter, food, a proper rest. It was more than she’d had all at once for the longest time. She had questions for them too of course, but for now they could wait. She just wanted to take things one step at a time.

It may not have been the picture perfect reunion she’d once dreamed of but it was more than enough for now.


	2. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late at night Beth can't sleep so her and Daryl take a moonlit walk and talk. 
> 
> ***Spoiler warning*** 
> 
> I have been following certain spoilers for the upcoming season and from this chapter onwards they'll definitely be referenced so if you really want to remain oblivious and avoid spoilers entirely then it's probably a good idea not to read on from here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the great feedback on the introduction to this story, I'm so enjoying writing it down :)

When she’d fallen into the soft flannel sheets after a light meal and a warm bath, Beth had felt that she could sleep forever. She’d been absolutely exhausted and emotionally drained. Now, only four hours later, she was wide awake. Her body had grown too used to little sleep, only small naps when she could grab them.  It simply hadn’t been safe enough for her to sleep for the past few months and now, she just couldn’t force herself back to sleep. She was restless and suddenly the room she’d been placed in seemed too small, as though it was suffocating her.   
She grabbed an oversized denim jacket that been left for her and threw it on over her sweatpants and tank top. Her feet squeezed back into her tatty boots and she briefly thought she must look ridiculous, but it had been a long time since that had mattered.

She paused at the door, unsure if she was supposed to leave the little room. In the moment she waited she heard footsteps, someone was trying not to be heard but she could make out the faint pattern of the steps. She opened the door just a slither and found Daryl on the other side.

‘Hey’ she smiled at him.

He nodded at her.

‘I couldn’t sleep’ she said

He nodded again but slowed his pacing.

‘Me either. Too churned up’.

‘I wanted to ta go for a walk, but wasn’t sure if I could?’

He shrugged ‘It’s safe, dark out there at night but no rules against it’

‘Just nobody knows who I am, that I’m here’ she said.

‘Word spreads quick ‘round her’ he said then moved his head indicate Beth should follow him.

‘I’ll come with ya, if ya want?’

She nodded. It wasn’t exactly what she wanted, she’d grown too used to her own company but maybe it was safer with an established member of the community at her side.

The moon provided just enough light for them to walk under.

They walked in silence for almost ten minutes as she fell in step beside him, finally he looked at her.

‘How’s it feel?’ he asked.

She took a moment to respond so he paused ‘we don’t gotta talk or nothin’, if you don’t want’ he said and she couldn’t tell if he was being awkward or kind.

She wanted to smile but she couldn’t bring herself to. She wasn’t able to sleep but she was still tired.

‘It’s fine’ she said softly ‘I mean, I’m happy to talk, it’s just, the whole thing, it feels strange’.

He grunted and that was so familiar that she felt herself relax a little.

‘How’d you manage to keep that vest all this time?’ she asked him. Of all the questions spinning around her mind, it was the least invasive.

‘I lost it for a while but got it back again. The crossbow too’.

‘It’s nice, I haven’t had anything for that long, I’ve lost everything, over and over’ she said.

‘hmm’ he took her words in then looked at her ‘I’ve got yer knife y’know… the one with the white handle?’

‘really?’

‘yeah Carol gave it to me after….’ His voice trailed off.

‘I don’t wanna talk’bout it’ she said firmly. She meant it to. Those days at Grady had been some of her worst. Waking up to find them gone again, the patches in her memory, what happened before she left that place for good- it was all best left in the past as far as she was concerned.

‘well if ya want it, so ya’ve got somethin’ that’s yers’ he said, his voice low and gravelly now and she wondered if the force in her tone had made him cautious.

‘I don’t… I don’t blame any of y’all for what happened, I just, don’t like to think about it’ she explained. ‘I don’t like to think about anything much anymore’. It was easier said than done.

‘D’ya still sing?’ he asked her.

She nodded ‘all the time, mostly under my breath. I kept havin’ these like, maybe panic attacks, I dunno and found they stop if I keep singin’, focus on remembering the music and lyrics instead of everything else. I’ve been on my own for a few months, I might have gone a bit crazy’. It sounded offhand but it was an honest confession. Her biggest fear after that first month on her own was that she’d never fit in with any group again, that she’d gone wild. A few months ago, she’d seen a small group of people sheltering in an old motel and she’d deliberately hidden herself from view. She hadn’t been sure she even wanted people again. Of course, once she saw Michonne it was different, but even so, she felt it would be a long way back to being part of a community again.

 

‘Beth’ Daryl’s voice broke through her thoughts ‘ya been standing there just thinking for the past five minutes’ he said, an edge of concern to his voice.

‘Told ya, I’m goin’ crazy’.

‘Ya wanna head back in?’ he asked.

She shook her head ‘No, I won’t sleep for a while and I felt so claustrophobic in that room’.

That elicited a small grin from Daryl

‘Now yer soundin’ like me’ he said.

They continued on through the night and he pointed things out to her, both of them seemingly found it easier to focus on the present than anything else. He told her how he’d helped construct the windmills, about the buggy and archaic machines they’d taken from the museums, which crops grew when. Beth couldn’t remember Daryl ever speaking this much and eventually she realised, he was speaking to fill the silence, to stop her from asking questions. Finally he pointed to a top level apartment ‘and I guess that’s just Michonne and Judith now’.

Beth’s head whipped around ‘Judith?’

Daryl nodded ‘yeah she’s big, so big, jus’ wait til ya see her.’

‘She’s alive?’ Beth felt overwhelmed all over again. Not once had she ever imagined that the tiny little baby from the prison had made it. It defied all logic.

‘Tyrese saved her’ Daryl said.

‘Is he here too?’ Beth asked. Daryl shook his head ‘it’s just us and Judith...now’.

Beth nodded knowingly. Whoever else there may have been was probably lost to them a long time ago now. She noticed Daryl’s eyes had gone misty.

‘You lost someone recently’ she said. It wasn’t a question. All afternoon, from the moment she’d found Michonne clearly grieving, she’d known they’d lost people recently. No matter how many people you lost, the initial impact always hit hard.

‘Rick’ Daryl spoke, his voice breaking on the single name.

‘others too, good people but Rick’.

‘oh my goodness’. Beth knew she should comfort him some way, but she didn’t know how. Once she’d have held him, but she couldn’t bring herself to cross the space between them and touch him.

‘I’m so sorry’ she said, aware how weak it sounded.

‘five nights ago, big her came through’ Daryl continued, walking on as he spoke so Beth fell back in beside him. ‘We’d had a fight. We’re always fightin’ these past few years but like brothers y’know, I loved him’.

Beth was shocked he was being so candid but knew grief did that to you. Suddenly she felt like she was eighteen years old again and no time had passed since the last time Daryl broke down in front of her.

‘He knew’ she said gently, ‘I’m sure he knew’.

Daryl nodded and paused ‘’m sorry’

‘don’t be sorry’ she said, ‘at least now I know, won’t ask about him, or anyone else’

‘Him and Michonne, they were together, for years now’ he said again and Beth could only nod. She imagined nothing hurt like losing the one you truly loved, but she had never had such a person.

She drew in a breath, she didn’t want to push him, not while he was so upset but it seemed like a good time while it was just the two of them.

‘Is there anything else I need to know?’ she asked. He nodded slowly ‘Maggie and Glenn’s son, he’s alive too… he’s not here but I can take you too him’.

She felt as though all the air had been sucked out of her and she squatted to the ground.

‘They had a baby?’ she asked, tears forming as she spoke. Daryl crouched beside her.

‘Hershel, he’s almost three’.

‘I need to see him’ she said.

Daryl sobbed and she echoed him, unsure if her own were tears of joy or sorrow or both at once.

‘Seein’ ya again, it makes everythin’ more real somehow’ Daryl said as we wiped a tear from his cheek.

Beth was heaving now. It took a few moments for her to catch her breath.

‘I’m fine’ she finally said standing back up. That was something she’d learned these past few years, you couldn’t let your emotions overwhelm you for too long. She let herself feel them for a moment and then pushed them away.

She held a hand out to Daryl, helping to pull him up.

‘You’re Ok too right?’ she asked.

He nodded, ‘gotta be’.

On the way back to their rooms he told her about Shiva, the tiger who used to live here. It was a welcome distraction for both of them. Try as she might, she just couldn’t imagine the zoo animal roaming around like a pet. It seemed like something from a fairytale. Finally they approached her room.

‘Think yer gonna get some sleep now?’ he asked her.

She shrugged ‘at least some rest’ she paused ‘how come you were up anyway?’

‘cus I had a feelin’ yer wasn’t gonna sleep through the night’ he confessed, his cheeks turning slightly crimson.

‘Thanks fer tonight, for the talk’ she said.

‘G’night Beth’ he said to her, already heading back to his own quarters.


	3. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth needs to calm down to let her body rest but she can't seem to turn her mind off long enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one came out kind of clunky but I've finally planned and plotted out the rest of this story and I can't wait for you all to see where it goes. Hope you're still enjoying following along. I'm loving all the new Bethyl fics this week :)

Beth knew she needed to calm herself down. For months she had existed on her own and now she was here, under a roof, behind walls, well she felt her body was letting her down. She knew she was strong and yet now she felt weak. She kept finding herself in tears, she was struggling to keep her breathing regular, her heart was racing and she felt weary.   
She’d been promised a look over today with a nurse practitioner, until they could take her to a doctor later in the week. The thought of it made her sick. She didn’t want strangers poking and prodding her, she didn’t want their prying. The problem was she didn’t want to just be left alone either. She didn’t know what she wanted and that was part of why she was so on edge.   
  
There was a knock at the door and without a pause Carol appeared in her room.   
‘Do you want to join us for breakfast or stay in here?’   
‘Who’s us?’ Beth queried.   
‘The kingdom, all of us. Or just a few of us, if that’s what you want, it’s up to you’   
Internally Beth groaned by she didn’t want to give Carol any cause for alarm. It was one thing to be emotional on the day you arrived but from now on she needed to prove to them how strong she was. She couldn’t give them another reason to worry.

She followed Carol into a large dining hall where she was seated across from Daryl. She noticed Ezekiel reach for Carol’s hand, the way she leaned in to him and wondered how she had missed it the day before. Clearly there was something going on there. News of her arrival had spread around. Beth could feel all the eyes on her but she did her best to focus on the food, on the people she knew.

‘Where’s Michonne?’ she asked.

‘Taking breakfast in her room. She hasn’t bought Judith back down to the dining hall yet’ Carol explained, placing another piece of melon on Beth’s plate.

Daryl kept scanning the room and Beth had the feeling he was watching everyone else watch her. She couldn’t deny the food was good. After living off so little for so long she knew she had to take it easy, people like her got sick when they gorged themselves too quickly but it was hard not too when there was so much fruit and eggs. Cooked eggs, it had been a while since she’d had those. When she’d finished eating Daryl stood up, clearly he’d been watching her too.

‘Want me to take you to Sarah now?’ he asked.  Beth shrugged. She wasn’t looking forward to meeting this woman but she wouldn’t say a word about that to Daryl.  As she turned to follow him, her arm brushed against someone else, so quickly she couldn’t say who and yet the feeling of their flesh rubbing against her own caused her to jerk her hand inwards toward herself. She felt as if she’d been burned. She rubbed the spot as she followed Daryl out through the yard. A few people smiled and said hello but Daryl didn’t pause for introductions and she was thankful. She’d meet everyone else properly later on.

They reached a white door with a sloppy red cross painted on it. Daryl knocked once then held the door open for Beth.

‘You’d almost pass for a gentleman’ she joked.

‘Almost’ he whispered, shutting it behind him.

There was a woman with wild ginger hair and thick eyebrows sitting behind a desk.

‘You must be Beth’ she said, smiling warmly.

Beth nodded and took a seat opposite her.

‘Beth, this is Sarah. ‘m gonna wait out front if that’s alright?’ Daryl muttered.

Beth nodded and tried to look calm. Inside she was screaming. It didn’t matter that Carol, Michonne and Daryl had all assured her that this nurse was lovely and they trusted her with their lives. All she saw was a stranger. Absently, she reached for the collar of her tank top and began to rub her thumb over the fabric. Once, she’d reached for a chain but it wasn’t safe to wear those anymore. Even so, old habits die hard and when she felt anxious, she reached for her neck.

‘It’s strange at first, isn’t it?’ spoke Sarah. She didn’t wait for Beth to answer. ‘I’ve been here two years, me and my boys, you’ll know their mine by the hair. For weeks we kept to ourselves, couldn’t adjust to a community again but eventually it all came good. It will for you too, I’m sure of it’.

Beth nodded, hoping her face was blank.

‘I see everyone when they arrive’ Sarah kept talking, ‘a lot of them look like you. Everyone’s so used to being strong but you don’t have to be here. It’s ok to accept help for a while’.

Beth’s heart began to pound, she was sure the other woman would be able to hear it across the room.

‘In fact, that’s the first thing I want to speak to you about, because we see it all the time here. People come in after a long stint on the outside and, particularly if they’ve been alone. Well a few days after they arrive, they crash. Without the adrenalin that’s been pumping through you for so long exhaustion takes over. And often the immune system crashes with it, or your body finally gives in to something it’s been fighting. It’s not unusual for new people to spend the first week mostly in bed and that’s fine, it’s exactly what their bodies need.’ She smiled again ‘Do you feel tired Beth?’

She didn’t know how to answer that. She was beyond tired, beyond exhausted. She felt completely worn out but that adrenalin from the outside, it was still there. That’s why she hadn’t been able to sleep last night. She still felt on edge.

‘I feel OK’ she said slowly, ‘there’s just a lot to take in’.

Sarah nodded and stood up to fetch something across the room ‘Of course it’s a bit different for you’ she spoke, ‘not everyone who comes here gets a big reunion like you did. We’re all so happy about that’ she said.

Beth noticed she had the strap and pump ready to take her blood pressure.

‘Arm out’ Sarah instructed. Beth did as she was told.

‘Well it’s a little high, but that might just be from stress, I’ll check again tomorrow’ Sarah said, removing the strap. She reached forward with the stethoscope ‘now this might be a little cold’ she warned with a smile but all Beth could see was the shiny silver coming towards her. As Sarah pressed it against Beth’s chest her thumb skimmed her collar bone. She tried not to react but that burning feeling was there again, only this time it caused Beth to shudder.

‘You alright love?’ Sarah asked, gently placing a hand on Beth’s shoulder. It was too much, much too much. She couldn’t handle this small confined space with this strange woman any longer. She didn’t want to be touched again, didn’t want to act as though everything was fine. She muttered and apology as she stood up and raced out the door. She headed past Daryl searching for the building she’d slept in. Only she couldn’t find it. The kingdom was spinning around her and she couldn’t make sense of anything she saw.

‘Blackbird singing in the dead of night’ she whispered to herself ‘take these broken…’ her breathing was laboured. She tried forcing herself to recite the lyrics she knew by heart but she couldn’t. She placed her hands on her knees and tried to breathe.

‘Beth’ Daryl caught up to her.

‘What happened?’

She couldn’t respond to him. Her heart was absolutely racing now, her palms sweaty as she focused all her energy on trying to breathe. It felt like she couldn’t get enough air into her lungs.

‘Fuck’ she hear him say as he fell to the ground.

‘C’mon Beth, in, out, in, out, yer gonna do this’

He demonstrated exaggerated breathing until eventually she was able to mimic him.

‘I’m alright’ she said after a few moments.

‘yer not’ he said ‘ya will be, but yer not right now. Yer gonna have ta rest’.

‘I just didn’t want to be alone with her’ Beth said.

Daryl nodded knowingly and Beth wondered if he really did understand. She followed him back to her room. Last night it felt stifling but somehow it felt safe now. No extra eyes on her, no bodies threatening to invade herself. She opened the window wide so she could feel the fresh air.

‘I think… I might just hang out in here a while, if that’s Ok?’ Beth asked.

‘Though you thought it was suffocatin’?’ Daryl questioned her.

She couldn’t turn to face him so she spoke out the window instead.

‘It is but out there, it’s worse too many…’

‘people’ Daryl cut her off.

She nodded glumly and she heard a familiar grunt from the man behind her.

‘Jus’ lemme know when yer ready then’ he said and left her to her thoughts.

Beth pulled the old arm chair up to the window and gazed out at the world below. She watched the people, hoping she’d start to recognise faces but there were so many of them. She zoned out in the window the way she once did while watching movies on lazy afternoons. With the wind blowing in she felt at peace, she wondered if she could ever get used to really living inside ever again.

A while later, Michonne arrived with a lunch plate.

‘Daryl send you?’ Beth asked as she gladly accepted the tray.

Michonne shook her head, ‘I spoke to Sarah and she told me what happened, then I spoke to Daryl, thought you might appreciate some room service’.

Beth felt her cheeks turn red, it was kind of Michonne but it meant people knew, knew she wasn’t coping the way she wanted to.

‘You didn’t have to do that’ Beth said.

Michonne shrugged ‘gave me a good excuse to hide out in here a while. I’m kind of sick of well meaning people asking if I’m Ok. So I’m not going to ask you if you’re ok’

Something about Michonne’s tone and voice were so familiar that Beth felt comforted by her presence. Yesterday it had been overwhelming but now she could appreciate her company again.

‘I could bring Judith by later if you’d like’ Michonne offered.

Beth shook her head ‘Not yet. I need to… calm down a bit first.’ She wasn’t ready to see the little girl. All those emotions she’d felt yesterday would only return tenfold and she couldn’t act like that in front of a girl who’d just lost her father.

‘She’s six right?’ Beth asked.

Michonne nodded ‘She’s wicked smart and funny too. There’s other kids here and they play but they aren’t really kids you know, they all know way too much’ she said it sadly and Beth completely understood. No matter how safe those walls seemed, childhood in this world just wasn’t the carefree idyll she’d experienced.

She found herself yawning and Sarah’s words echoed in her mind. She was undeniably exhausted. ‘Is it alright if I lay low for a few days, just rest until I find my feet again?’ Beth asked.

Michonne nodded ‘Take as much time as you need, we’ll do whatever we can for you. You’ve got people here who love you Beth, even after all this time, nothing’s changed, we’re still family’. It was exactly what she needed to hear and tears began to form again.

‘I’m just so tired’ she said softly.

‘We all are’ Michonne replied then shook her head ‘different ways though. Your body, it needs sleep.’ Beth sank in further against her chair ‘I really do’ she breathed. Michonne got up and exited the room, leaving Beth to rest, but her mind was spinning again. It was she couldn’t turn it off. She paced the room, she read the first page of every book in the small crate but none could hold her attention. She noticed her nose was starting to run.

 

Carol knocked on her room for dinner but Beth didn’t feel up to heading down.

‘I don’t want to stay locked up in this room, but I don’t want the crowds’ she explained. Surely there had to be a happy medium. Carol nodded ‘How about, after dinner, I come and get you for a late supper, just you, me, Ezekiel and Daryl, that be OK?’

Beth smiled appreciatively, that she could handle. She just needed to ease her way back in to human contact, not be paraded around a crowded hall.   


She enjoyed the quiet meal, even enjoyed the company of the small group. Ezekiel was kind, she could tell that right away and she was so happy for Carol. She noticed Daryl’s table manners had improved too and was again struck by how things keep changing. They were still her family, but they weren’t exactly the people she had frozen in her mind, stuck as they were four years ago. She asked again about her nephew.

‘He lives with Enid, she was a close friend of Maggie’s, at the Hilltop. It’s a community we trade with, about a days journey from here.’ Ezekiel said gently.

‘There’s another little girl there, close to his age, Gracie, they play together. There’s a few more babies there now too.’ Beth smiled at the thought of that, that life was still going on in these places, that people felt safe enough to have babies.

‘We’ll send word to Enid with this weeks trade and take ya up there soon enough’ Daryl said.

‘Why isn’t he here, with you?’ Beth asked, speaking before she thought really. It didn’t make sense to her.

‘Our group,  it grew for a while, before we shrank again. Split in two so we could peacefully rebuild this place and the Hilltop. Maggie was running the place’ Carol spoke with an expressionless face and Beth couldn’t help but wonder if there was more to the story. Like every story she supposed, you come in late and you never really learn all the details.

‘But he’s loved?’ she asked.

Daryl nodded firmly and Carol smiled ‘he is so loved. And now he’ll have his Aunt too’.

After eating Beth finally felt fatigued. Her runny nose was starting to bother her and she felt at least a few hours sleep were on the way. She thanked the table for their company and retreated to her room. It was a repeat of the night prior. She lasted only a few hours before she woke up tossing and turning. Too much was playing on her mind. She got up to head for the bathroom, thinking perhaps a bath might soothe her, and even if it didn’t the process of heating the water and filling it into the old tub would.

For two days it went on like that. She only really came out at night, or in small groups. On her third day in the kingdom, Beth crashed. Her runny nose had turned into a sore throat and now her eyes were watery, she was congested. They had paracetamol for her fever but told her the best thing she could do was sleep.

Sleep, the one thing that eluded her. She was still only catnapping, her body refusing to calm down long enough to let her rest.

Daryl came in with a bowl of steaming hot water and eucalyptus oil. He dropped it in the bowl and told Beth to breathe it in ‘closest thing to decongestant we got’ he explained. After she breathed in the scented steam she lay back on the bed. He moved the water out of the way and knelt down beside her

‘Can I?’ he asked, his hand hovering above her forehead. Beth nodded her consent and he pressed his palm gently down.

‘Still hot’ he said as he pulled back from her burning skin. Beth could only smile.

‘It doesn’t feel weird. When you touch me’ she explained, before breaking in to a coughing fit.

‘With everyone else, out there, that nurse, their skin felt like fire on mine but yours just feels safe’ she said.

The words were just pouring out of her now. She realised she felt safe with him here. She reached out to hold his hand.

‘See it’s just nice’.

He nodded and slowly began to stroke her hand with his thumb.

‘Ya gonna get some sleep?’ he asked her.

She shifted slightly without letting go of him.

‘I feel calm now, sleepy, just stay’ she breathed as she slipped off to sleep.


	4. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out on the road to the Hilltop, Daryl and Beth evade a herd and talk about their fears.

  
It took two weeks before Beth felt well enough to make the journey to the Hilltop. She was desperate to meet her nephew but not while she was sick. Aside from physically, the time in bed had given her some space to sort out her head a little too. She had begun to readjust to life surrounded by others. She’d been reunited with Judith and managed to hold it together, she’d made another visit to the nurse and it hadn’t been as traumatic. She could feel herself changing again. She wondered how many times one person could transform.

Daryl told her they normally took the horses and wagons for the journey but the last drop off had reported high level walker activity and best not to risk the live animals for a while. They were going to have to head by foot, making the journey twice as long as usual. Beth wasn’t worried, in fact she was downright happy to head back outside the walls. They left early in the morning, Carol and Michonne met them at the gates to say goodbye and wish them a safe journey. Carol had baked an extra batch of cookies for them to take on the road. It felt over the top to Beth, and Daryl confirmed he normally left without the fanfare, but her sudden reappearance had changed things a little.

‘People got hope again’ he mumbled ‘gave Michonne somethin’ else ta think ‘bout. Course thay wanna come down ‘n say goodbye, yer all precious n shit’.

Beth smirked ‘it that hard for you to say something nice without adding to it?’ she teased.

He shrugged but she noticed the top of his ears turning pink.

‘They walked on in silence for almost an hour. That was something Beth had always appreciated about Daryl, he never spoke just for the sake of filling in the silence. And it wasn’t silence anyway. She could hear the birds, the wind through the trees, the rustling of the grass beneath her feet, the occasional distant walker. It felt good to be out here again and she knew that he understood that too. It was no surprise to her that he frequently volunteered to travel between the communities. Men like Daryl Dixon weren’t supposed to be confined to one space.

After two weeks sick in bed though, she could feel she wasn’t as fit as she had been. Despite the better food and actual sleep, her body had been weakened by the fever and after the second hour she asked if they could stop a while. Daryl obliged, sitting almost instantly and offering her water from his canteen.

‘Ya aint worried about germs?’ she asked.

He shook his head ‘if I didn’t catch nothin’ from ya while ya was coughin’ all over me, then I don’ think I gotta worry ‘bout it now’.

She nodded then eagerly sipped at the water.   

Now it was just the two of them, Beth felt a little bolder. She found the courage to ask something that had been on her mind since she first learned her nephew lived elsewhere.

‘How did Maggie end up at this Hilltop place and y’all ended up at the Kingdom?’

Daryl didn’t turn to face her, he kept his eyes straight ahead.

‘Y’know how I told ya there were somethings best left in the past?’

Beth nodded, then realised Daryl wouldn’t have seen, so added a ‘yeah’.

‘Well it started then I guess, when we lost Glenn. We had to take Maggie to the Hilltop to see a doctor, cus she was pregnant an all. An’ then she had to hide there a while cus these people thought she was dead.’ He paused a moment and sighed ‘I haven’t been tryin’ a keep it from ya, just hard knowin’ what ta say an when, y’know’.

Beth nodded, she had her own secrets, she had her own stories left unsaid, or heavily edited.

‘Anyway there was like a war, there’s always a war an’ we were on the same side ‘course, but Maggie was basically runnin’ the Hilltop at that point. An’ we ended up back there for a while but her an’ Rick couldn’t agree on somethin’. An’ they got polite enough to trade and all, but never really made up before we lost her. Feel like I never really made my peace with her either.’

Beth hadn’t asked the details of her sister’s death. She’d tried to ask about Glenn but was told she was better off not knowing and after that, she hadn’t asked specifics about anyone. She knew Glenn never met his baby but Maggie died when he was about eighteen months old. She was content to know that, to know they were buried together and she’d be able to visit their graves if she wished.

‘I don’t know what happened but, she always really liked you’ Beth said. She’d noticed Daryl’s head had fallen below his shoulders, could tell he was strained.

‘I was kinda worried ‘bout tellin’ ya’ he finally confessed. Beth shuffled along the grass so she was sitting alongside him.

‘Ya didn’t have to be’ she whispered ‘things happen, things you’d never see comin’, I get it’.

He nodded then looked at her ‘I really liked her, even after all that happened. She was kinda crazy but I respected that’.

Beth smirked ‘she was, completely crazy. Y’know how many times my Daddy had to apologise for her when we were younger?’

Daryl’s eyes softened ‘It’s good yer here, ya can tell Hershel all about his Ma, and your Pops’.

Beth pulled herself up on her feet and beckoned at Daryl to do the same ‘Well lets hurry up and get there’ she said.

They spoke a little more the next leg of the trip. She asked him about Aaron and listened as he spoke highly about the man who’d saved them all. That was how he’d worded it and Beth was impressed. He spoke about the kids as well and Beth could tell he loved them. He’d always been so soft around Judith, she knew he’d be like that with any other baby that came along too. She briefly let her mind wander and imagined what he’d have been like if he’d have had children of his own. She could just see little brown haired, blue eyed babies crawling around him, being held by him. It was a nice image and she tuned him out a little as she pictured it. Enough so that she missed his warnings.

‘Beth, stop’ he spoke louder, gripping her forearm.

‘Yer daydreamin’?’ he hissed, ‘there’s a herd a them, can’t ya hear that?’

He pulled her to the ground and then she could hear it, the louder than normal moaning, the thudding of multiple straggling bodies. And it struck fear in her heart. Not that a herd was nearby, but that she’d so easily fallen back into the pattern of letting someone else do the listening out. What if he’d been daydreaming too? She shook the thought from her mind as she concentrated on the noise, trying to figure out where they were coming from.

‘We need ta get ta that paddock over there, where them red fences are’ Daryl pointed across a dirt road.

‘We make it that far, there’s an old fort we use as a look out, up a tree just beyond that next block’ he said, moving his finger. ‘We get up there, we can wait them out’

Beth nodded and followed Daryl as he quickly moved through the overgrown grass. She wasn’t as quick as Daryl and a stray walker appeared from behind some shrubbery. She paused to kill it then had to make up the pace. In the end he half pulled her onto the fort just as the walkers came into view. She settled in, her back against the tree and he put his finger to his lips.

They sat there just over an hour. The herd was small, as far as herds go and had passed in twenty minutes but experience had taught them both you couldn’t be too careful. Beth noticed Daryl was slightly shaky as he scaled back down the tree.

‘You wanna stay a bit longer?’ she offered.

He shook his head. ‘Yer doin’ Ok?’ he asked.

She shrugged ‘honestly, I’m a bit shaken but that fear, it’s always there anyway’.

‘Because of the herd?’

She shook her head ‘because I almost missed it. Wasn’t payin’ attention. That’s what scared me most’.

He nodded and she knew he got it. Way back at the prison he’d always warned them you couldn’t get complacent because of the walls.

‘First herd I’ve seen since Rick….’ His voice trailed off but he was walking faster now, big purposeful steps that Beth was struggling to match.

‘slow down’ she whispered. He took a moment but finally he did, resuming his normal gait.

She gave him a few more moments before speaking again.

‘I don’t fear the walkers, not the way I used to. Cus now I fear the people just as much, probably more. At least y’know what yer dealin’ with with walkers’.

‘Yer not as hopeful as ya used ta be, thought you were all hung up on the idea there were still good people’.

Beth nodded ‘there are, ya just gotta exercise a little caution, a lot of caution maybe.’

Daryl grunted and it made Beth smile. In all the times she’d thought about Daryl, she’d remembered the way he chewed his thumb, how gravelly his voice sounded but she’d never thought of those little noises he made that seemed so familiar the moment she heard them again. Just like the way he smelled. It hadn’t changed but she hadn’t smelled anything like him in their whole time apart. Now she had both again there was almost an ache in her heart. She’d forgotten things she’d taken for granted. She wondered what else she’d forgotten about the other people she’d loved.

‘I learned to fear people well before this’ Daryl spoke ‘its still the walkers that get ta me. Keep thinkin’ surely one a these days they’ll decompose past bein’ a threat but then you cop two herds in a month. Makes ya wonder’.

She didn’t know how to respond but knew that sometimes with Daryl, remaining silent was the best response. He confirmed this when he continued talking.

‘If anything, I fear the people less than I used to. Not the assholes that wanna kill us, but I never knew there were really good people before. I thought everyone was against me. Then I met Rick, Glenn, Carol, yer family. I learned I was wrong’

‘I’m scared of getting to the Hilltop and meeting another set of new people’ she confessed in return. ‘Scared that Hershel won’t want to know me, worried about this doctor’. Daryl shook his head

‘That;s just stress, not real fear. There’s no bad people up there. Aint all angels or nothin’ but no one you’ve got to be worried about, just like the Kingdom. Hershel’s gonna love ya, and Sidiq’s a good guy. Ya just worried after the nurse?’

Beth nodded, ‘somethin’ like that’.  It was more than that, but she couldn’t find the words, didn’t know how to bring up one thing without opening a whole can of worms.

Luckily she was with Daryl and she knew he wouldn’t press her for anything else. So they walked a few more hours hardly speaking her and that suited her just fine. After zoning out to her thoughts in the morning, she was now hyper alert. She didn’t want to miss anything. As the sun began to set, Daryl navigated off the path they’d been on and into the woods a little.

‘Welcome to tha halfway house’ he said, a light grin on his lips.

‘Original’ she scoffed. They checked the place was still empty before heading inside. ‘No sign anything’s changed since I was last here’ Daryl said, looking it all over.

There was some canned food in the shelves and sparse furniture. It was dusty, but not like a place that was truly abandoned.

‘We’ve got three spots along the way we can stop if we need, but we end up here most often’ Daryl said as he began to pull out traps. There were pots and pans, along with smaller tin cans attached to rope to be hung around the outside. Beth noted that although it seemed basic, there were hooks in all the right places; it had clearly been well planned at some point.   


And as the sun went down completely and they had to rely on sparse candelight, Beth felt the scene was all too familiar. Sure this was place was nicer than that old shack but it was the two of them in a bare space and she was glad that they were. They ate at the small table and she noticed that Daryl pulled out a fork before eating from a jar of pickled peaches. He caught her staring and grinned.

‘Carol got real big on table manners an’ makin’ a good impression’ he said with a scoff.

Beth giggled ‘shame, I kinda miss watching you just dig in’.

As though she’d dared him, he tossed the fork aside and dug in with his hands.

‘No wait, I don’t, that’s kinda gross’ she said with a smile.

‘Jus’ don’t dob me in back home’ he warned, but he picked up the fork again. Once they’d eaten he headed outside to do one final check and Beth quickly changed into a spare long sleeve top she’d packed for the cooler evenings.

‘Yer the only person I know who still picks white’ Daryl commented as he walked back in.

‘See, I am still optimistic’ she said.

He headed to a closet and started pulling out blankets from a plastic tub.

‘I’ll take first watch’ he offered, throwing a pillow at her.

‘Yer can chose from the sagging bed or the musty sofa’.

Beth grabbed sheets from the tub and began to make up the bed. She settled in and Daryl began to pace kind of awkwardly.

‘You stayin’ inside on watch?’ she asked.

He nodded ‘yeah, I’ll set up that chair by the back window, more chance a sumthin’ comin’ in that way he explained. She bid him goodnight and rolled over, determined to get some sleep. She just couldn’t get comfortable. She crawled back out of bed and pulled the mattress onto the floor with a thud.

‘Y’know the ideas to try not ta make a lot of noise’ Daryl mumbled, he was set up now, facing away from her.

‘Sorry’ she whispered and tried again to settle. Even without the dip in the middle she just couldn’t. Finally she wrapped the thinner of the blankets around her shoulders, grabbed the pillow and headed over to where he was sitting. She placed the pillow near his feet and instantly felt more at ease.

‘It’s like last time we were alone together’ she whispered ‘I just want to be close to you’.

She couldn’t see his face, didn’t know if that was too much but she’d never been able to hold back in the dark. It made her brave enough to say what she was feeling. She curled up like a cat on the floor and let out a content sigh.

‘I didn’t even realise how badly I missed you Daryl Dixon’ she breathed into the night.

‘I did’ he replied, his voice so low and gravelly it was hard to make out the words. ‘Missed ya like nothing I’ve ever felt before’.

She knew Daryl enough to know that kind of confession wasn’t going to be followed up by anything else, that even if she could see his face he’d be looking the other way. And just hearing it warmed her soul so she just whispered goodnight again and fell asleep breathing in the scent of him, listening to his breathing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I'd love it if you left a comment:)


	5. Heat pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Through the middle of a heatwave, Beth and Daryl continue on to the Hilltop and she finally meets her nephew, and a few other friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I've never written to much in such a short time, I'm really worried quality isn't as good as it could be but I'm also enjoying the challenge.  
> I've decided to split this chapter into two, just because of my own personal preference for shorter chapters really and I was worried otherwise I wouldn't have it finished for the right day... timezones make everything confusing.

Early the next morning, Daryl and Beth continued their journey on towards the Hilltop. She was almost sad to leave the little ‘halfway house’ behind. It had been a reprieve from the stress of the day before, from the weeks before that and from what was to come at this new place. She had felt at peace, just her and Daryl. In fact, it shocked her how natural that felt. Years ago they’d had all of three days on their own. She’d always known they had been significant, but only now did she realise just how much impact they had on her.

She followed quietly behind Daryl the first hour before she felt the need to remove her outer layers. She asked to stop not long after that. The sun was hardly in the sky and yet the heat was already intense. Gone were the days of weather reports, of a seven day forecast.

‘Could tell it was gonna be a hot one, but not this bad so early’ Daryl said as she sat beside her.

‘Y’alright to push on in it?’

Beth nodded, finished sipping water and got back to her feet. The heat was exhausting though. Her clothes were soon soaked from perspiration and they didn’t speak unless absolutely necessary. All her energy was focused on putting one foot in front of the other, while listening for any trouble. Yesterday, she’d struggled to keep up with Daryl but today he was lagging too.

‘Couple a years up here made me soft’ he grumbled at one point, drinking the last of one canteen. ‘Ya wouldn’t think I grew up down south’

Beth shrugged ‘I was down there last summer and this is still knocking me around.’

They kept going because they had to. They both knew the safest place was back behind walls.

By mid-afternoon Beth’s throat was dry, she was trying not to use up the last of the water but it was hard. Suddenly Daryl’s hoarse voice told her to look in the distance. There she could just make out walls.

‘Thank goodness’ she mumbled. It was easier to power on now the end was in sight.

Within the hour they were banging on the gates.

‘You came’ says a man with the longest, shiniest hair Beth has ever seen.

‘We thought you might have given up, because of this’ he says, gesturing at the universe in general.

‘Beth, Jesus, Jesus, Beth’.

He held out his hand to her and she shook it. She’d been curious about him since she’d first heard his name.

‘this here’s Rosita’ Daryl said as an attractive woman came towards them and threw her arms around Daryl first and then her. She went stiff in her arms but thankfully it was over quickly.

‘This is good’ she said firmly, as though her declaring made it so. Before anyone could speak another man cam hurtling towards them.

Quickly he embraced Daryl then turned towards her ‘and you must be Beth, I’m Aaron its, its…’ he seemed lost for words.

Beth felt an awkward grin spread across her face. She hadn’t expected a reception quite like this, she’d not expected this much happiness from people she’d never met. She worried that the idea of her might be far more remarkable than who she herself was. She suddenly felt under a lot of pressure, the heat of their expectations pushing down on her.

‘Don’t crowd her’ Daryl spoke, his voice low but commanding and they all took a step back.

‘Mostly because we stink after a day out there’

Aaron nodded ‘Right, well let me take you to the vans, you can clean up, probably sneak in a shower before you see the kids.’

The others waved and moved on while Beth followed Daryl and Aaron towards the back. The two spoke quickly and Beth could tell they were good friends. She was glad, happy that Daryl had let so many people in. She knew part of the joy in their reaction was because they were happy for him, for Carol and Michonne.

‘I can’t believe you’re really here’ Aaron said, turning his attention back to her. ‘Beth, Daryl’s Beth’.

That caused Beth to pause ‘hhmmph nost people refer to me as Maggie’s sister’ she said.

‘Well, you’ve always been Daryl’s Beth to me’ he said then stopped himself, ‘I mean, you know, because you arrived with Daryl and he sent the letter and…’

Daryl’s cheeks had now flamed, on a day when they were already flushed from the sun, he turned almost beet red.

‘Are you blushing?’ she teased.

He just grunted and glared at Aaron, but there was something playful about it. She understood then that Daryl trusted this man, really trusted him.

Daryl’s Beth. She’d liked the way that sounded.

Aaron left them in an old trailer home that had been stripped bare of most its furniture, just a few beds and chairs remained.

‘Not quite a guest house, but it’ll do’ Daryl said dumping his bags on the floor.

‘It’s like an oven in here’ Beth breathed. She felt like the weight of the world had left her shoulders as she slid the backpack off her back.

‘Well there’s a shower-thing jus’ outside or a creek down back, but they don’t like when ya swim in it’ Daryl said it in a way that Beth knew had a story attached but all she could think about was the chance to shower. Not that a little sweat bothered her the way it used to, but she didn’t want to meet her nephew like this. She was already worried she’d look scary to the little boy, didn’t need a muddy face and sweat soaked clothes to add to the image.

Daryl made do pouring some water onto a flannel and wiped his face down.

‘Aaron said I should… maybe head up an’ have a talk ta Enid, maybe see Hershel an’ Gracie on my own first’ he spoke, thumb at the corner of his mouth. He was awkward and Beth didn’t want him to be.

‘its fine, I’ll go shower then wait for ya’ she said.

She followed him out of the trailet and found the rudimentary camp-style shower. She stripped to her underwear and let the cool water run over. She didn’t want to be wasteful, just enough to freshen up. She dried and dressed quickly, just in time as it turned out because there was Aaron coming up behind her.

‘Hey again’ he said as he approached, ‘everything ok back here?’

Beth nodded ‘All good’.

 ‘Well Daryl told me to come fetch you, he’s reading to Gracie and didn’t want to cut ‘The Cat in the Hat’ short.

Beth couldn’t help but smile at that.

She quickly threw her dirty clothes into the trailer and followed Aaron.

‘Normally they play outside but they’ve been stuck in the library and play room today’ he said.

Beth nodded, she wouldn’t let little kids out in this heat either.

‘They’re lucky, to have somewhere like this’ she said.

‘They are, we all are. Lucky to have this place and these people’.

Beth felt instantly at ease around him. She wasn’t sure if he was just really personable or it was because she could see the rapport he has with Daryl but it felt like she’d known him a lot longer than twenty minutes.

‘I’m lucky to have people again’ she confessed, ‘lucky I found Daryl and the others’.

Aaron paused ‘Yeah, in this whole mess, since the dead started walking, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone grieve like Daryl when he lost you. I mean, I met him weeks after and he was still brooding.’

‘oh’ Beth didn’t know what else to say to that.

‘I mean, whatever you two have, it’s special and you’ve got to hang onto that. To find each other in the first place, then be reunited like this, that’s unheard of’.

The butterflies in Beth’s stomach, the nerves over meeting her nephew suddenly intensified as she took in Aaron’s words. Daryl had really opened up to him, about her, about them. And she’d never even had a chance to discuss it with him. The one time it almost happened, that they could have admitted what was really going on, they were interrupted and they’d never had a chance to finish that conversation. Never had a chance to explore those feelings. At least not together, but obviously  he hadn’t let go.

Finally they reached the main building the community was based on and Beth followed Aaron up the stairs to a large library. There was a young woman sitting on a leather chair, a small boy with dark hair on her lap.

Aaron lead her toward them. ‘This is Enid, and little Hershel’.

‘Hello’ said the little boy.

Enid was young, that was the first thing Beth noticed and something else too. It’s not that she seemed cold but she wasn’t overly welcoming either. She offered Beth a nod and a smile but held tightly to the boy.

Beth knelt down on the floor.

‘It’s nice to meet you both’ she said. She looked closer at the little boys face, searching for any trace of her sister, but all she could see was Glenn.

‘This is Beth, your Aunt Beth’ Enid said, causing Beth to smile at her. She hadn’t expected that acknowledgment.

He snuggled in to Enid’s side, pulled her hand up to cover his face but immediately peeped from behind it.

‘He’s kind of shy, doesn’t meet a lot of new people’ Enid said. Her tone was flat, almost stoic. Where others had seemed overjoyed by the arrival of this girl they’d never met, Enid was definitely reserved. Beth realised she was being protective.

She mimicked Hershel’s actions with her own hands, playing peek- a- boo back and finally elicited a small giggle from him. They continued on for a few moments until finally he slid off Enid’s lap and onto the floor.

‘Can’t catch me’ he said before taking off. Beth followed his lead, happy to chase him around the room a few laps before finally giving in and catching him. She held him lightly around the waist for a few moments before letting him go and repeating the game a few times over. Suddenly, they heard giggles from the adjacent room.

‘Gracie!’ Hershel exclaimed ‘come see’ he ordered Beth.

She looked to Enid to make sure it was alright and the young woman nodded, as she stood up to follow them in.

The room was covered with toys, stuffed animals and books strewn all over the place. It looked exactly as a child’s play room should. Beth beamed looking around, she was happy in the middle of this world, her nephew had this. And a friend, he had headed straight over towards a little girl with blonde pigtails.

‘It’s Gracie’ he declared. The little girl was holding an oversized teddy bear and threw it down over Daryl’s head.

‘It’s a serious teddy fight’ he said, before hitting her back with a smaller brown bear. Instantly Hershel joined in so Beth looked around and found a fuzzy blue bear to push over Daryl’s face. For a few minutes, everything else she’d worried about these past few weeks was gone. She lived in the moment, making her nephew and his friend laugh, watching the ease at which Daryl played with the two little ones. But as quickly as the game had started, the kids grew tired of it.

Gracie plopped herself down in Daryl’s lap. ‘Story’ she demanded.

Daryl reached around until he put his hand on a copy of ‘Madeline’

‘this do?’ he asked.

The little girl nodded and then Hershel copied her, throwing himself into Beth’s lap.

As Daryl went to open the cover, the little boy reached his hand up and place it on Beth’s forehead, where the skin puckered.

‘Are you hurt?’ he asked her.

Beth shook her head ‘Not anymore’.

‘Did they get you?’ he asked.

Again, Beth shook her head. She didn’t know how to answer that.

Daryl cleared his throat and began to read.

‘In an old house in Paris, that was covered in vines’.

Beth couldn’t help but whisper the words under her breath. She knew this book backwards, it had been Maggie’s favorite when they were little girls.

‘Lived twelve little girls in two straight lines’.

Beth could feel the tears begin to well in her eyes. She was sad, she was happy, she had Maggie’s child in her arms listening to _Madeline._

‘They left the house at half past nine’

Suddenly Beth was sobbing.

‘What’s wrong?’ Gracie asked.

Hershel shifted to look at Beth’s face.

‘Why you crying?’ he asked.

Beth only sobbed harder.

‘Enid’ the little boy cried out. He was confused and already standing up.

‘I’m so sorry’ Beth said through her tears.

‘I think you should go back downstairs, let him settle down’ Enid said, somewhat sternly.

Beth apologised again as she left the room, running back to the foyer.

She heard footsteps behind her and wasn’t surprised to find Daryl had followed her.

‘I screwed up’ she said between heavy breaths.

‘Ya did jus’ fine’ he said as he wrapped his arms around her. She placed her head against his chest and held on tight. Her face was hot and damp from the tears but she couldn’t stop.

‘Was always gonna be hard, seeing him without them’ Daryl whispered, squeezing her. She nodded against him.

‘ I didn’t think I’d cry’ she sighed, ‘thought I could hold it together in front of him’.

‘I was almost cryin’ seein’ the two of yer together, Aaron too’

‘Not Enid’ Beth said.

‘She’s just worried yer gonna take him away, or upset him. She’s not his Ma, but she’s like his Ma’.

Beth’s tears started again ‘I didn’t wanna upset him. I need to apologise’

‘Naww we need to leave them be fer now, calm yerself down an’ ya can see him again tomorrow’.

He loosened his hold on her but she didn’t step away.

‘Thank you’ she breathed into his chest. She could hear his heart beating and it was soothing. It was giving her something to focus on.

‘Yer welcome’ he said, pressing the lightest of kisses onto her forehead.


	6. Heat part 2

They spent the afternoon in the shade of their trailer, Daryl pulled two fold out deck chairs out for them and Beth all but collapsed into hers. It had been a long day and she felt the sun couldn’t go down fast enough, anything for some relief from the oppressive heat.   
Beth had calmed down a lot since leaving the main house but she still felt down. She remembered the weight of her nephew in her lap and it unsettled her. The look of heartache on his face when he realised she was crying- how easily he ran into Enid’s arms. She felt like an outsider again.   
‘Startin’ to feel like I’ll never fit back in with the real world, not really’ she said to Daryl after a long stretch of silence. Rosita had stopped by briefly with orange juice and fruit for them which they’d been lazily snacking on for the past hour. He wiped the watermelon juice from his chin with the back of his hand.  
‘I felt like that fer a long time too but it’ll fix itself’   
Tears began to fall again. She didn’t know how to tell Daryl that she felt she was beyond fixing.   
‘Beth, there anythin’ else ya wanna talk about’ he asked her.   
She shook her head. She’d made up her mind that everything bad that had happened before she found him was in the past and nobody here needed to know any of it. Not if she could help it. In return, she’d been trying not to pry but it was harder than it seemed. She had walked in on a network of people, there were relationships and dynamics to make sense of, half stories mentioned in her presence. She had only herself and she could be careful what she revealed.   
He shrugged ‘That’s on you then but if ya wanna vent, scream or cry about it, that’s fine. Ain’t nobody spend four years on their own and have nothin’ bullshit happen’.   
She smirked as she brushed the tears from her eyes. There was just something about him. The sweetness and concern under the roughest exterior. ‘It was bullshit’ she said, then picked up an apple, ending their discussion.  
It was almost nine pm before the sun finally slipped from the sky. The evening didn’t bring the cool change Beth had hoped for but it was a significant improvement on the daylight which had felt never ending. Around them the rest of the community had seemingly slipped inside.   
‘Easy for them, they’re not sleeping in a tin trailer’ Beth said as people slipped inside around them.  
‘Still, it’s quiet now, if you want the grand tour’ Daryl said, but heading back into the trailer as he did so.   
‘C’mon, I’ve got an idea’ he said, a smile on his lips.   
He took Beth around the grounds. Much like her first night in the Kingdom, he just focused on the practical stuff.   
He hesistated a moment before pointing to a small fenced off field ‘That’s the…’  
‘gave yard?’ she supplied.   
He nodded, ‘yeah, if you wanna’   
She shook her head, not yet, she wasn’t ready for it just yet.   
He took her to see the livestock, far more of it than they had and Beth breathed in the smell of the animals.   
She closed her eyes then whispered ‘it smells like home.’   
It had been a long time since she’d been in a paddock of cattle and it wasn’t something she’d ever thought she could miss but now it was taking her back.   
They passed a few others out wandering too, clearly they weren’t the only ones restless but Daryl seemed to have something in mind. He took her to the back of a small barn where the hay bales were piled up and pulled a thin wool blanket from his backpack, spreading it out before sitting down and inviting Beth to join him.   
‘This is where I used to come, when we stayed here a while’ he said, ‘it’s closest thing to a blind spot on watch, it’s got the best view of the sky’.   
He lay back and shifted around until he was comfortable. ‘better place to sleep than that tin shed’.   
Beth had been watching him from the ground but now climbed up beside him. Nestled between the shed and the walls, you could almost forget you were inside a larger place. It felt cosy and isolated and she liked that. Like the night before, she wanted it to just be the two of them.   
She settled in next to him and reached into her boot, retrieving the knife he’d handed back to her the week before.   
‘How come ya kept it?’ she asked quietly. He kept his face towards the stars. Beth knew he could read them in a way she never could and wondered what he saw in the sky tonight that eluded her.   
‘It’s a good knife’ he replied.  
Beth scoffed ‘it’s OK, kinda girly for you though’.   
‘It was yours’ he said softly ‘an’ it was all I had left.’   
She’d known that was the answer, she just wanted to hear it from him.   
In the middle of everything else that happened since she returned to them, the last thing she’d needed to worry about was this, this crush. No, it was more than a crush but it complicated things and she wasn’t herself and there were so many other things to worry about. But she couldn’t deny it, it was there, and she could feel it the way she felt the heat. You couldn’t see it but you couldn’t deny it and after Aaron spoke to her earlier, it had been on her mind.   
She pressed her luck ‘I liked what Aaron called me, ‘Daryl’s Beth’.   
‘It’s cus I’m the only one who spoke ta him ‘bout ya, I guess’ then he quickly corrected himself ‘I mean, properly like, as more than Maggie’s sister. She talked bout ya all the time, but different’.  
‘Different how?’ Beth pushed.  
‘Jus’ different, y’know how she was and she was mourning Glenn while pregnant. Plus, I had a lot of alone time with Aaron, at first. We had nights on the road and y’know how that ends’  
She nodded. Secrets always came out at night. Like right now, a conversation she’d never have been brave enough to have during the day.   
‘I used to talk ‘bout you all the time as well’ she admitted, ‘I used to scream your name in my sleep’.   
He turned now to face her and suddenly she knew what she had to do. She moved in closer and placed her lips on his, gently at first, waiting expectantly. Soon she felt his moving against her own, her mouth widened and he placed his hand on her hip, holding on. It only lasted a few moments, before she pulled away. Her heart was pounding now, but in a good way. She wasn’t stressed or sad or anything but happy.  
‘Thank you’ she whispered, ‘for keepin’ my knife’.


	7. Sounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got to apologise because this chapter is a sad one. I actually sat here bawling as I wrote it and it's really strayed from the initial plan ( which ended with Daryl and Beth fighting loudly) and for that I blame pregnancy hormones.

**Sounds:**

**Beth takes a final breath before knocking on the door to the doctors clinic. She feels fine within her body and doesn’t think this is necessary. She’s already been checked over by the nurse anyway but everyone insists that she needs a proper check up after so long.**

**Siddiq answers the door and smiles nervously at her, somehow this puts her more at ease than the beaming expressions she’s seen on others. She’s glad she’s not the only one feeling a little uneasy.**

**‘It’s been a while since I had a new patient’ he explains.**

**‘Bet it’s been longer since I’ve had a new doctor’.**

**‘Have you seen one, at all, since… since the outbreak?’ he asks.**

**Beth’s ease starts to slip away, this is exactly what she was afraid of. Medical history, the questions, the background story.**

**‘Yes, I was in a hospital for a while, back in Atlanta, they were still running, kind of, just over two years after. And I was there a long time’.**

**‘Because of your head?’ he asks, pointing straight at the scar.**

**She takes a deep breath and tries to continue without letting this man know he is getting to her. She just wants to make it through this appointment so she doesn’t make a scene, doesn’t want to break down again in front of Daryl, doesn’t want to give Enid a reason to keep her from Hershel.  Under the table she clenches her hands into a fist, cracking her knuckles as she does.**

**‘That happened in there… it was, well not the happiest place. But then they treated it too and I left a few months after, once I was stable enough. I haven’t seen a doctor since.’**

**‘Any lapses in memory?’ Lasting pain?’ She’s glad he doesn’t linger too much on the what happened and is more interested in the medical stuff. That she can answer.**

**‘No pain. My memory was iffy at first, but it’s been alright for a while, I guess. I don’t have anyone to tell me if I’m wrong’.**

**He jotted her response down then asked a bunch of other general health questions.**

**‘Are you menstruating?’**

**She couldn’t help but blush.**

**‘No, not for a while’.**

**He nodded ‘That’s pretty normal when you haven’t been eating properly and you’re very thin’**

**‘I’ve always been thin, but not like this’ Beth said.**

**‘When was your last cycle?’**

**And there it was, the start of the questions she really didn’t want to answer.**

**‘Almost three years ago’ she tries to keep the answer short, hoping he’ll move on but he doesn’t.**

**‘And were they normal until then?’**

**Beth can only look down at her hands, now clammy as she talks softly.**

**‘I had a baby, he was born too early, only 26 weeks, after the birth and all… my period just never came back’**

**‘Was it a live birth?’**

**Beth nodded ‘he came out screaming but it was quiet and he just couldn’t breathe on his own’**

**‘I’m sorry to hear that. Did anything trigger the early labour?’ He had kind eyes but he kept his voice clinical and Beth appreciated that.**

**Beth shrugged ‘I don’t know, I mean I didn’t have any doctors or midwives or anything around’. Her voice was breaking now but she was trying her hardest not to cry. She thought about that baby often. She told herself she’d dealt with it, that it was better to lose him then before he’d ever known the fear of this world but now she was here, in this new world with its networked communities and other babies, well she couldn’t help but think about how a baby could thrive here, _her_ baby could have. **

**‘Well now you’re eating better, ovulation and menstruation could occur at any time. There’s no birth control anymore, nothing reliable anyway, so I’d say be careful but there’s really no way to be sure’**

**Beth nodded, she knew this, that’s how she ended up pregnant in the first place.**

**‘And how’s your mental health?’**

**She just shrugged ‘Is anyones good anymore? I mean, look at the world we live in. We’ve all lost so much and been through more’**

**He nodded knowingly.**

**‘Still, things are quiet now, and they aren’t always quiet for long. And you’ve got a good network from what I hear. So take a while to work on yourself a bit. We don’t have to be brave all the time’.**

**After that he took her blood pressure, weighed and measured her which only reaffirmed she was very underweight, checked her scars and reflexes.**

**‘You seem to be in good health, all things considered’ he said and she thanked him before leaving. It hadn’t been half as bad as she’d anticipated but now she’d spoken it out loud. She knew she had to tell Daryl.**

**He was waiting for her outside.**

**‘We need to talk’ she said, surprised at how rushed her voice sounded. She was scared to tell him, scared to think about it for too long but now seemed the perfect time, while that little bundle was still on her mind.**

**She lead him back to the hay bales, it seemed the perfect place away from the crowd.**

**‘When I left Grady, after, I left on my own’ she said, picking at bits of hay as she spoke. She needed to fidgit, to keep her hands working as she spoke.**

**‘I met this family from Indiana, I stayed with them a while and, well I kinda ended up with their son, Tom’.**

**She heard Daryl exhale, an almost disappointed sigh.**

**‘Ended up like?’ he asked.**

**‘I slept with him. I kept hearing all these horror stories ‘bout girls bein’ used and some stuff happened at Grady and, well I wanted my first time to be on my terms’.**

**Another sigh. She lifted her head to look at him but he was looking away.**

**‘And I fell pregnant, just like that, from one time’.**

**‘Jesus’ she heard him mumble. He’d gone tense, his back stiffening as he sat there.**

**‘The baby didn’t make it. I don’t know why, it was a bad winter, we lost everyone. It was just me an’ Tom and then the baby came and we lost him too.’**

**Daryl turned to face her then. She could tell he was mad, it was written over his face but he didn’t say anything.**

**‘I was only 26 weeks, he couldn’t breathe. I just placed him on my chest and I sang to him. I’d read in a book that by 24 weeks they can hear everything and I knew his life was gonna be short and I just wanted him to know the sound of my voice’**

**She was crying again now, too upset to even worry that she was crying again or how angry Daryl looked.**

**‘and then Tom was gone too. We got taken a few weeks later by some guys and they just killed him. Like he was nothing and didn’t matter at all.’**

**Daryl made a sound as though he was going to speak and then changed his mind. Instead he placed his hand over hers, clamping it down.**

**‘Ya could’ve told me sooner’ he said, his voice gravelly. She could tell he was picking his words carefully.**

**She shook her head ‘I couldn’t. I try not to think about it. There’s no good that comes from it’.**

**‘Did ya name him?’**

**She nodded. ‘I named him Daniel. I just liked the sound of it’.**

**Her tears began to flow again, it had been a long time since she’d spoken his name out loud. She didn’t romantacise death anymore, she didn’t think of him as a little angel. Once Tom had suggested he was in heaven with his grandparents but Beth had brushed that idea aside. She’d stopped believing in a heaven long ago. He was simply gone, like everyone else and from the moment she’d seen that second pink line, the way she knew it would end. Maybe not this soon but she knew one day she’d say goodbye to him.**

**‘He knew nothing but love his entire life and that’s the only thing I like to think about him’ she said quietly, ‘every moment of his life he was held and loved and that’s more than a lot of people get’.**

**She looked up at Daryl again and saw his eyes were misty too.**

**‘I’m sorry’ she said to him.**

**‘’m sorry too, that it happened like that’.**

**They sat like that a while and she could tell Daryl was uncomfortable, that he didn’t know what to say. Finally she decided she may as well face all her fears at once and give him some space in the process.**

**‘I’d like to see their graves’ she said quietly, ‘Maggie and Glenn’.**

**Daryl nodded and stood up, pulling her to her feet in the process. He lead her to the makeshift cemetery and pointed  to two roughly marked plots opposite each other.**

**‘Want me ta stay?’ Daryl asked. Beth shook her head ‘No, I need to do this on my own’.**

**She walked over to the final resting place of her sister and brother-in-law.**

**Their names were marked on wooden plaques hanging from sticks, a pile of rocks over each. And she was struck by how plain and basic it was, just like their wedding had been. And she cried again because she never got to say goodbye and she didn’t see the point in talking to graves because the thing that made them, them was long gone. But she wanted the closure all the same so she went to the top of each one and pressed her lips to the dirt.**

**‘Goodbye’ she whispered.**

**‘I love you’ and then she sat a while between the two and cried. Cried for herself and the sister she’d lost, for her little nephew who’d lost both his parents.**

**She was just standing up to leave when she noticed she wasn’t alone anymore. Enid was standing at the gate watching her. She brushed the final tears from her eyes and walked towards her.**

**‘I just wanted to see them’ she said, as though it wasn’t obvious.**

**Enid nodded ‘Nobody comes in here much anymore, but I’m glad they’re together, I can show Hershel when he’s older’**

**Beth gave a weak smile, it was a nice thought but a painful one.**

**‘Daryl said I’d find you here’ Enid said, reaching her hand into a pocket. I came looking for you, wanted to give you this’.**

**Beth looked on in awe as Enid pulled her father’s old pocket watch out and held it towards her.**

**‘Oh my goodness’ she breathed.**

**‘Maggie gave it to me, after Glenn died. And I was keeping it for little Hershel but… I thought you should have it, for safekeeping at least, until he’s old enough’.**

**Two minutes ago Beth thought she was done crying but fresh tears began to flow again. It had been an emotional day all round and this was just one more thing she didn’t know how to process any other way but to break down a little.**

**‘I wanted to invite you, to afternoon tea with us but…’ Enid’s voice trailed off.**

**‘I don’t wanna upset him again either’ she said, ‘maybe breakfast tomorrow morning?’**

**Enid nodded.**

**‘I’m not here to take him away, if that’s what you’re thinking’ Beth spoke, she didn’t know what Enid had been thinking but she wanted to make sure she knew.**

**‘I, I want to be part of his life but I couldn’t take him away from you, I can see how much he loves you.’**

**‘Thank you’ Enid replied before turning to leave. Beth still wasn’t sure what to make of her, she wasn’t as open as some of the others but her heart seemed to be in the right place and giving her the pocket watch was an incredibly kind gesture. She held it to her chest and returned to the trailer, anxious to stow it in her backpack.**

**She found Daryl there laying on the bed.**

**‘Ok if I come in?’ she asked from the doorway.**

**‘Course’ he said. She moved towards the table and sat down, pulling her bag to her knees to rearrange things.**

**‘You alright?’ she asked him, she could tell she hadn’t been the only one crying.**

**‘I dunno Beth’ he said, his voice quiet.**

**‘All this time, I only ever thought about ya and what I’d lost and… well I feel like a dick even thinkin’ this and sayin’ it but there ya were with some boyfriend an’ I get it it, it’s just, y’know I don’t want ya to be hurt an’ I wished ya was alive an happy even without me an… ah fuck it I can’t even make sense of what I’m feelin’.’**

**Beth removed herself from the chair and climbed onto the small bed so their knees were touching and she was facing him.**

**‘I jus’ don’t wanna think ‘bout ya with anyone else ‘cus yer the only one I’ve thought ‘bout in years’ he said and she was surprised at how honest he was. He’d only ever hinted and danced around it and here he was all but admitting he loved her.**

**‘I wasn’t in love with him’ she whispered, ‘I just needed someone, I didn’t have anyone else left and I needed to experience things on my own terms and it only lead to more heartache’**

**They lay like that for a while, she listened to his breathing and tried to understand what he was feeling.**

**‘I’m sorry’ Daryl finally whispered ‘I shouldn’t be actin’ like some jealous fool when ya’ve…’**

**Beth took a finger and pressed it to his lips. Later, when they were less emotional, then they could talk it through. Instead she pulled the pocket watch up between them.**

**‘Look what Enid gave me’ she said, eager to change the subject.**

**‘Haven’t seen that in years’ Daryl murmured looking at it.**

**Quickly she wound it up and placed it between them.**

**‘Still sounds the same’ she said and closed her eyes so she could breathe in the scent of him and the sounds of her father’s old pocket watch as ticked away the time between them.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	8. Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth and Daryl talk on the way home from the Hilltop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the unexpected pause in this. It turns out, I do not enjoy writing an entire story in a week. I felt way too rushed and it was a big lesson for me. Between work and parenting I only really have time to write at night so publishing a chapter every night for a week is just not feasible unless I've already got things ready to go. I feel like I started hating this story because I felt under so much pressure to get it written quickly and life was in the way. My kid got sick, then I got sick, I had to make her a costume for Book Week and so on. So thank you for your patience and sorry this chapter is a bit rambly. Next chapter will finish it all up, hopefully I'll post it in a few days.

Their few days at the Hilltop had gone by too fast. Beth had enjoyed getting to know Daryl’s friends a little but most of all, she focused on her nephew. Every moment with little Hershel was bittersweet. He was the image of Glenn and it hurt to look at him and know he was growing up without his parents. It hurt to call him by name. It hurt because as she held him and played with him, she couldn’t help but wonder what her own son would have been like now if things were different. Yet despite all the pain, there was joy, so much joy. He was as happy and spirited as any little boy she’d ever seen and in Gracie he basically had a sister. Beth loved watching the two of them together. On her last afternoon at the Hilltop, Enid even suggested she take a walk around with Hershel, just the two of them. He put his little hand straight up into Beth’s and it felt right. They’d walked around together and the little boy had given his own strange tour of his world. Beth was completely enchanted by him.

And she was glad she had him to worry about because talking about Daniel had stirred up a lot of memories. It had stirred up a whole lot of trouble between her and Daryl too. For the past few days he’d fluctuated between being obviously hurt and a little distant to his normal self to almost annoyingly concerned about her. Clearly he was still trying to make sense of how he felt about it all. It was frustrating but she knew you couldn’t rush Daryl. She’d had intensely personal conversations with him, but only when he was ready. He was too good at bottling it all up inside and trying to hide how he was feeling. He was too good at pushing people away when he hurting.  They’d slept each night on those same bales of hay but he’d pushed himself further away when she tried to get closer to him in the dark. There was something new between them and Beth hated it.

She packed her bags on their final morning and ate the last of the fruit they’d been given before heading to the wagon they’d be hitching a ride home on. It was time for the fortnightly trade between the two communities and it only made sense for Daryl and Beth to leave with them rather than head off alone. This way they could be back in the Kingdom by dark, safer than spending a night on the road.  She hadn’t sighted Daryl all morning but he arrived on time, with Aaron, the two clearly in a conversation that had to be cut short once Beth was in ear shot.

‘Just tell her what you told me’ she heard Aaron say as they approached.

He hugged her goodbye and made her promise to come and visit soon, not that she needed any extra incentive. Jesus and Rosita appeared as well to wave them off and soon they were on their way, the sun was just beginning to rise in the sky and Beth though the Hilltop looked rather beautiful in the soft morning light. It reminded her of early mornings on the farm when the rest of the world was just beginning to wake up but she’d already spent an hour on chores to get them done before school. She liked being awake to see the world like this. Daryl only grunted towards her as he climbed in the back and she shrugged in return, he was often grumpy early in the morning. She wondered if he planned to just sleep the first few hours, but once the Hilltop faded from sight he looked at her.

‘Ya look sad’ he said.

‘Hmmph’ she said in return ‘I feel kind of content really’

‘then why do ya look like yer ‘bout ta cry?’.

She shook her head ‘I’m not gonna cry. Just feels a bit odd y’know, leavin’ him behind. I don’t wanna take Enid’s place but still, it feels strange to just head back away.

‘I half expected ya ta stay’ he said quietly.

She nodded slowly, she had definitely thought about staying there with her nephew but she wasn’t sure she was ready. It had taken her weeks to acclimate to being around people again and she’d only just found her way around the Kingdom. Mostly at the Hilltop people had kept out of her way, knowing she was a visitor. Only those closest to Daryl and Maggie had really spoken to her, otherwise she’d been able to live in the shadows. She wasn’t ready to face a whole new group of people without the security of Daryl, Carol and Michonne. She hated to admit it, but she needed them. She needed him.

‘I couldn’t stay there on my own’ she finally whispered, ‘it’s too soon’.

Daryl had begun to fidget with some loose leaves that had fallen into the back of the wagon, folding and snapping them as he listened to her. He focused on that instead of looking at her and for once she wished he didn’t struggle with eye contact because she didn’t want to say everything she was thinking out loud to him. She wanted him to just know.

‘Still, I feel like a terrible Aunt, like I’m abandoning him’.

Daryl scoffed ‘aint abandonin’ nobody, ‘specially if ya leave them with people they love. Enid’s as much a mother ta him as ya were with Judith’.

Beth sighed ‘yeah but I always felt bad ‘bout that as well. I felt bad that she’d died and then when I learned she hadn’t, I felt bad I hadn’t been with her’.

‘Didn’t matter.’ Daryl’s reply was automatic ‘she was with Rick an’ Carl, an Michonne. She mighta missed ya in the beginnin’ but she was with her real family. It probably hurt ya more than her’.

Beth knew that, she’d thought about it a lot since arriving at the Kingdom and learning little Judith was there. Children could easily adapt. She was the one who’d spent too long mourning over the baby girl she’d loved. But still, that guilt was there, she couldn’t shake it. And she felt it again now. She knew Hershel loved Enid, and he was happy in his nursery with his playmate and good people around him but even so, she was his flesh and blood.

They travelled in silence a while, maybe thirty minutes or longer. Daryl had run out of leaves by now so just perched on the back of the wagon, watching the world slip by slowly. Beth did the same.  There was nothing fast about a wagon. The rush and speed of the old world and its vehicles were long gone now.  Finally she decided to get things off her chest a little. She had Daryl cornered and she was going to force whatever it was that had come between them to come to a close. At the front of the wagon Lucy and Peter were in control and deep in conversation Beth couldn’t make out. There was enough distance between them all to provide a little privacy.

‘Daryl, what was Aaron talking to you about, this morning?’ she spoke quietly, just to be sure.

She watched as he shook his head and she thought he was trying to ignore it but eventually he spoke.

‘I was talkin’ ta him ‘bout ya’

‘yeah I realised that, but what about me?’

He shook his head again then turned to look at her.

‘That other night, why’d ya kiss me?

‘Cus’ I wanted to. And years ago I wanted to but we got interrupted and I never had the chance’

‘but why?’

‘Why do ya kiss anyone?’ she said. She’d wanted to pressure him into telling the truth but now she felt shy, she wished she’d waited to have this conversation in the dark when it was easier to speak your mind.

He shrugged ‘Plenty a reasons. I know why I wanted ya to kiss me but…’

‘I love you Daryl’ her voice was so quiet she wasn’t sure he’d heard her. ‘Maybe it’s not the most conventional kind of romantic love but I love you an’ I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, that I can’t be the girl you were holdin’ onto all those years. I met other people and I grew up and I got my heartbroken and I’ve changed’ she paused to take a breath ‘but I love you. I love being around you. You make me feel safe and whole again’.

‘Is it just that though? That I make ya feel safe? Cus I can’t keep ya safe anymore than ya can yerself’

She shook her head ‘no, I don’t need ya to protect me, I just feel braver when I’m around you. And like you understand me, most of the time. It’s just been a bit muddled these past few days’.

‘I’ve been in love with ya for the past five years’ he said quietly, ‘that’s what Aaron told me to tell ya, only it’s hard fer me ‘cus I’d never loved anyone like this before and I don’t think yer in the right place to be rushin’ into anythin’ an’ I didn’t think it was fair of me the way I acted that day when ya told me bout yer baby. I love ya but I don’t think it’s the right time to worry about that’.

Daryl’s cheeks were red and his gaze was firmly on his knees now. Beth reached out for his hand and gripped it tightly.

‘There’s no right time for anything, not anymore. I don’t want us to waste another minute together though, don’t want you gettin’ mad then sad then clingy. It’s ok if you’re unsure of yourself, it’s all kind of a mess. But I do love you, truly and I’m happier than you could ever know that I found you again. And sorrier than you could ever realise that those years apart hurt you. Hurt us.’

‘So what now then?’ he asked.

She scooted over closer to him and rested her head against his shoulder.

‘Let’s not rush into anything. Let’s just do our best to put the past behind us and be happy we’re together again and get another chance.’

She felt him nod, felt his arm come around to hold her. And it was awkward because their ride was bumpy but she didn’t want him to let go.

‘an’ ya don’t just feel this way because there’s nobody else left?’ he asked softly.

She shook her head, knowing he’d feel it.

‘No, not at all.’ She breathed. ‘I’d love you even if there were a hundred handsome men around every corner’ then she cringed ‘oh that sounded sappy’.

He squeezed her a little tighter.

‘So yer my girl then?’ he questioned.

She nodded as a smile formed on her lips.

‘I am’ she replied.


	9. Sunset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... I should have called this 'A long time between...updates'. I'm sorry it's taken so long. This pregnancy is absolutely kicking my butt. I am exhausted all.the.damn.time. I've been in bed by 7:30 every night so there's just been no time to write, which totally sucks. I finally had to prioritise finishing this before baby arrives in six weeks because I needed a little closure on this story, it's been running circles in my head for months now.

_‘Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset,_ _Swiftly flow the days, Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers’_

‘ _Blossoming even as we gaze’_ Beth almost stops at the sound of Daryl’s quiet, gravelly voice singing along with her as she gets dressed.

_‘_ _Sunrise, sunset_

_Sunrise, sunset_

_Swiftly fly the years_

_One season following another_

_Laden with happiness and tears’_ his voice fades out then and rather than continue Beth turns to face him, buttoning up her shirt as she does so.

‘Don’t think I’ve ever heard you sing before’ she says, a light smile on her face.

He shrugs ‘That was one of my Ma’s favourites, _Fiddler on the Roof_ , I know the whole thing’.

Beth perches on the end of the bed, her smile stretching.

‘Actually, I remember you telling me that once before’

‘Yeah, long time ago that’

‘My Daddy was singin’ ‘Tradition!’ and ya said to him ‘That’s enough Tevye’ an’ shocked us all.

‘Yer fault fer thinkin’ I was a redneck with no culture’.

‘an’ ya told Daddy it was yer Ma’s favorite and he said he would have liked her.’

Daryl nodded ‘he would have’.

He shook the thought from his mind with force and added ‘don’t be getting’ used to no sing alongs Miss Greene, ya just caught me off guard’

‘Shame, I thought we’d start with West Side Story tomorrow’ she said, reaching her hands out to him.

He took them and pulled her up into his arms

‘It’s nice ta’ hear ya singin’ again’

‘I never stopped singin’’ she reminded him.

‘but cus yer happy’ he said, planting a soft kiss on her forehead, causing her to tip her head up and meet his lips briefly before replying

‘I am happy’.

 

They parted ways after breakfast. Daryl headed to the wagons, ready to grease the wheels before for the next trade with the Hilltop. Beth still didn’t have a real job or purpose in the Kingdom. She found that most people like her didn’t, they just pitched in and helped whatever way they could when needed. Today there was nothing for her to do so she sought out Michonne and Judith.

‘Beth’ the little girl cried, happy when she saw her.

Michonne smiled warmly too

‘We were just wondering how to fill the day in’ she said ‘we’re stuck in a bit of a rut’.

Beth nodded and looked down to Judith ‘Want to come on a walk with me?’

‘Great idea’ Michonne replied before Judith had a chance, ‘I could use some alone time around here’.

‘Then let’s go’ Judith said.

 

In her satchel bag Beth actually had some sidewalk chalk she was hoping to surprise Judith with. She thought they could draw pastel flowers and animals on the concrete, the way she used to on her driveway with Maggie. Judith had other ideas though. As soon as her home was out of sight she sat down on the edge of the small garden and began to pick flowers.

Beth knelt down to join her ‘Do you have a favorite?’ she asked

Judith shook her head ‘No, they’re all pretty, even some of the weeds’.

Her face got very serious then and she turned to Beth and said solemnly

‘We have to grow flowers because it’s important we have things here that are practical and beautiful’

Beth took a moment to consider that so Judith continued

‘At least that’s what Ezekiel says. He said everyone was so worried about making this place safe, they forgot it had to be pretty and fun as well’.

She was obviously repeating words she’d heard many times before but Beth could tell from her delivery that she really was old beyond her years. It was the same for any children left now. One day it would be true for her nephew as well.

‘Whatcha thinking?’ Judith asked.

‘That you are beautiful’ Beth replied ‘just like these flowers’

‘So are you’ Judith replied right away causing Beth to smile.

‘I look exactly like my Momma’ Beth told her.

Judith took that in for a moment. ‘Do you think I look like mine?’

Honestly, Beth didn’t think she looked much like Lori at all. She was fairer, her eyes lighter and if anything, she saw Shane.

‘You remind me of her when you smile’ she said, diplomatically. It wasn’t a total lie. When Judith was happy, Beth thought of Lori. She thought of her belly stretching and growing all winter, thought about how unfair it was that she never got to meet her little girl. She couldn’t say all of that to Judith though.

‘That’s what Daddy said’ Judith replied, causing a lump to form in Beth’s throat.

Maybe they all saw a little of Lori because they wanted to.

‘Did he talk about her a lot?’ Beth asked.

Judith shook her head.

‘No. He said he didn’t like to. He just answered questions sometimes. And Carol does too. And Daryl if ya really push him’.

‘And I can too, maybe. I spent a lot of time with yer Momma’.

‘Did you like her?’

‘Very much.’

‘I think I would have liked her.’

Beth smiled at the little girl.

‘Of course you would have, she was your Momma’.

Judith began to pick daisies now, but kept talking as she crouched to retrieve them.

‘I’m lucky, ‘cus I have Michonne instead. And I love her like a Momma.’

Beth joined her, quickly picking the white flowers.

‘You’re very lucky’ she said softly. She couldn’t help but wonder how Lori would feel though. Of course she’d be happy to have someone else who so clearly loved her daughter but it meant Michonne filled a role designed for her. Just like Enid had stepped in for Maggie.

‘Almost nobody has their real parents anymore’ Judith said quietly.

‘No, but…’ Beth’s voice faded out, she wasn’t sure what to say.

Judith was now working the daisies into a chain.

‘I used to do this with my sister’ Beth said.

Judith nodded ‘Maggie’.

‘That’s right’ Beth said.

‘Maggie was a little bit like your Momma, they were brave’.

‘We’re brave’ Judith said, adding another flower.

Beth could only nod, it had been a long time since she’d felt that she was.

 

Later that afternoon Beth sat waiting for Daryl. He appeared in their room dirty and dusty from the day’s work.

He took one look at her and asked

‘What’s wrong?’

She’d spent three hours with Judith that morning, picking flowers, arranging them and then drawing their own with the chalk. The whole time Judith had kept asking questions about Lori and Carl. Even what Rick was like when Beth first met him. She was curious to know everything she could about the family she had lost.

Back in her own space, Beth couldn’t stop thinking about it. She couldn’t stop thinking about little Hershel and the questions he’d have too. That need to know where he came from, even though those people were long gone. She had the answers. She had an entire lifetimes worth of memories to share with the only blood kin she had left.

‘I need to go to the Hilltop’ she said softly. She knew it in her heart. There had been a sinking feeling ever since they’d left and her morning with Judith had only confirmed it.

‘I need to be with Hershel. Need to be his Aunt.’

Daryl just nodded. She could tell he understood. She didn’t need to say anything else.

‘Then we’ll move there’. His voice sounded steady, calm. She could tell he’d already thought about this.

‘It’s that easy?’ she asked.

He nodded.

 ‘We might get stuck in that shitty trailer for a while but we’ve slept in worse’.

‘and ya really wanna come with me?’

He scoffed.

‘Ya really even askin’?’

He sat down next to her and reached for her hand.

‘Can’t promise we’ll never be apart, can’t promise ta keep ya safe, or stop yer hurtin’ but wherever ya wanna live, I wanna be there with ya for as long as I can’.

She gripped her hand firmly around his. She knew she could survive on her own, she’d had to prove that to herself time and time again. Yet, she never felt stronger and braver than she did with Daryl by her side. She felt secure again. She knew it was partially an illusion. He couldn’t keep her out of harm’s way, nobody could but it wasn’t just physical safety. These past few weeks, he’d made her soul heal. She had felt herself truly come alive again. It was love,  she loved him and she felt a sense of relief wash over her that he wanted to come with her. He wanted to continue a life together.

‘We’ll tell the others tomorrow… do we need to give the Hilltop a heads up?’ she asked.

He shrugged.

‘I think there’s some there been expectin’ it anyway. I’ll send word with the next delivery, we can head up together after that, if that’s alright wit’ ya?’

She nodded then pulled his hand to her lips, planting a kiss over his knuckles.   
The sun had begun to set outside and they were losing light in their room, he was covered in shadows but she thought he was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. She could hear Judith singing in the distance, along with some of the other children. She could smell the flowers that had been planted to bring beauty into this bleak world, only it didn’t seem so bleak right now. She had found her family and she hoped the sun had set on her darkest chapter once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it :)


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